When you sick so sad you cry, and in crying cry a whole leopard from your eye (sad mammal). If you angry so mad ye tongue burst and mouth juice run gall bladder bitter. When you sick so sad you place your face in the puddle of a lay-by waiting for lorry to spash it.

And when you are inside the infinite misery jumper pulling it over and over your head with no hope of ending because it's replicating at the waistband and you never get out.

Then ee welcome. Oh then ee arth welcome in Blue Jam.

When you monged so soft and blacked in cupboard, but other knuckles knocky try to get in. All right? Hello? While you lie still, biting hoover bag sweet dust in ee gob. And better than the outside really. Possibly. No.

Then blink emerge at last.

And all people gone, when now you needy, so needy like a minimim. And when ee be wretched out so long ee dry to foscillised munch. Bending like a mad, angry with the ground. Absurd man - shoot him.

Then ee welcome. Oo ab welcome in Blue Jam.

When you naked, so shiver in the drizzle. Look at clothes by your feet and think, oh yes, warm. Then eat them by mistake. When you dream be dream, but only of a gloomy loctosed. (I'm sad, and unhappy) When you park so wrong, ee headlight smash bumper breaky shuttle bang bang bang like fucking pinball.

And when your west no longer be west of your east, but above it, and mock you like bad candle Jack. Ho har you dim muddle bum.

And your north south be altogether gone or loony.

Then oo welcome. Ah. Oo magm welcome in Blue Jam.

When ee heads fall tails a thousand times, so call heads tails both, but coin then lands on third side - the inside. (Inside) When you fly so wingish speed, then thwack, ee path be glass, and broke beak slump om ground all quiver-pigeon. While rattus rub hands in the shadow.

And when ee sing so full with bursting soul, ee heart fly out of mouth, and then bashed be bit by all with ears. Oo cry shut shut shut it up oo cackamuffin.

Then, hmm. Oo voof welcome in Blue Jam.

When ee tongue but slip slap daft round simple speak. And people stare, and mock. While you go jumjejoo. When monkey cease to sing, so you calf slanting head, and slip in so much coins, that brainy gloop did ooze therefrom. Ah. I see. Yes. When ee magma so rage in stomach, yet only feeble birds fly out you gob.

And when ee gloom, so flicky switch, to find oo bulb be bulb that only suck the light from you. Oh, bloody hell.

Then ee welcome. Oi, voovack welcome in Blue Jam.

When you foot sack be boot sack, van kick sharb in gob, while you wish satsuma. When oo hands be warm, but only due a raging infect of the blood, and the skin, and the nail, and the bone, and the tissue bacterie bacterie oolala rouge. Well so look at you screaming and shouting like an angry turnip, oo fucked up ridiculum, most fool unto yourselfen and I have no sympathy oob toadum...

And when all oo remaining joy hides un-noticed in one shrivelled cell at the bog-bottom of the very bum-tube of ee cess-joffy.

Then welcome. Mmm. Oovaj welcome, in Blue Jam.

spudz home: welcome sir
guestbook: sign up stud
about spudz: its me
rutger haur: we be great pals
WANTED!: for crimes against 'welcome sir'
concise adventures: adventures we've done
the should-be famous five: zero to hero times five
dad: my dad, Donohue
jimmy mook: ..presents..
ormskirk bubblejet efc: e-mail soccer
the verve: a band
radio spudz: band links
links: links to the sites of colleagues